A Qualitative Analysis of Scarlett Johansson’s Illustrious Dating History

A Qualitative Analysis of Scarlett Johansson’s Illustrious Dating History

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Aka“this sandwich won’t bite, I promise” guy, aka wait, is he going to cook this kitty cat?—may or may not be dating star of such Certified Fresh movies as Chef and Topher Grace-masterwork, In Good Company: the one, the only, the Scarlett Johansson about a week ago, news broke that Bobby Flay—aka hamburgler fuccboi.

Scarlett Johansson is 32-years-old, and arguably the most women that are beautiful our planet. She’s additionally an actress that is fabulous and something of the very most bankable movie stars in Hollywood. Her in Translation? Unbelievable. Her free-spirited neuroticism in Vicky Christina Barcelona and Match aim? First class. And He’s Simply Not That Towards You. That has been a film that has been made as soon as.

Bobby Flay, having said that, is 52. He’s a Food System celebrity. And their title seems like the generic form of a name that gets offered at Walgreens for half the purchase price.

Used to do the mathematics. IT DOESN’T ADD UP. (I ALSO DON’T KNOW JUST HOW TO DO MATH!)

Therefore I asked myself a really simple question I’ve asked myself for different purposes virtually every early morning since November:

Just exactly just How did we arrive here? And much more especially: if they’re certainly dating—which, who knows—how did Scar Jo arrive here?

Below, I’ve compiled an incomplete variety of Scarlett Johansson’s paramours, in roughly chronological purchase. This may assist us obtain a better image of what’s going on here.

2002Scarlett Johansson dated Fun. guitar player, Bleachers man and time that is otherwise big producer Jack Antonoff for just two years in senior school, during the expert Children’s class (listed here is a image regarding the valedictorian).

2004AScarlett Johansson ended up being romantically connected to 31-year-old Jude Law, then 12 years her senior. She additionally had intercourse with Benicio del Toro in an elevator in the Chateau Marmont, that is precisely the kind of thing individuals who’ve never ever been to the Chateau Marmont (me) would expect you’ll take place during the Chateau Marmont. She ended up being Patrick that is reportedly seeing Wilson too. There was a pattern right here: older dudes.

2005She includes a fling with notorious lady’s guy Jared Leto, hence starting her dudes that are age-appropriate.

2005-2007Johansson dates Josh that is perma-teen-hearthrob Hartnett 2 yrs. It’s her very very very first relationship that is real Antonoff in ‘02.

2008-2011Our woman goes directly from Hartnett to Ryan Reynolds, who she marries. It’s a pretty move taste-wise that is lateral.

2011Scarlett gets divorced and would go to Mexico with Sean Penn.

2012Scarlett begins Nate that is dating Naylor a ny advertising exec who, in accordance with those that understand him, has a watch for risqué art and seems like Morrissey in their prime. That’s praise that is high a normal individual to receive. For contextualization benefit, I’ve just ever been in comparison to Matthew Perry, but less during their prime, and much more during the years he had been coked away on Friends.

2012-2016Scarlett times, then marries, then divorces French journalist/editor Romain Dauriac.

2017Scarlett had been connected to SNL Weekend modify co-host Colin Jost as belated as May, which everybody type of universally agrees to be a huge victory for Colin Jost. And from now on, finally, maybe it’s Flay’s turn.

Okay, time and energy to come back to our initial concern: just how did we arrive here?

Well, after meticulously Homeland-ing my whole bed room with images and magazine clippings and different-colored yarns—i got myself the spools during the Yarn shop, it is a place—we arrived up with all the following explanation. I’ve used dashes to split up the true points, in order to keep pace.

-2002 to roughly 2005 we could essentially discount as a result of Scarlett Johansson being fully a newly famous starlet that is 19-year-old Hollywood. It had been, as individuals state, a stage. Completely behavior that is understandable. Especially doing del Toro within an elevator. If perhaps you were a starlet between your many years of 19-24 between 2003-2006, it had been fundamentally a rite of passage to own intercourse with del Toro in a resort lift.* I am talking about, you dudes have observed 21 Grams, right?

*Backed up by zero proof.

-2005 to 2011 is pretty much the wait that is“Oh can essentially date any guy i would like” stage. We have Hartnett. We have Reynolds. Two severe relationships with two really typically good-looking dudes.

-2011 (cont.): Classic rebound situation, going from a person who smiles on a regular basis (Reynolds) to some body whoever face is kind of stuck in a permanent snarl (Penn’s face).

-2012 to 2016 discovers Scarlett with two good-looking asian wife effective dudes (Naylor and Dauriac) that are however perhaps perhaps not an integral part of the Hollywood elite. After dating actors for such a long time, this might be a departure that is reasonable. Plus, hot innovative execs are the actors of normal people.

-Post-divorce, 2017 is probably Scarlett’s many year that is interesting date. Jost is variety of a throwback into the clean-cut Reynolds-esque actors. And Flay is like the total consequence of a) returning to her 19-year-old older-guy-phase; and b) starring in Chef in 2014. Her toggling involving the two is unique, yet also predictable: she’s been toggling between a Jost and a Flay in one single method or another her whole dating life.

For whatever reason, I’m 76% yes she’ll date Anthony Bourdain next.

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Sam Eichner likes literary works, reality tv and his double kitties similarly. He’s got regularly been told he requires a shave since he began growing undesired facial hair.

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